“Why ?“, Pooja was being interviewed by Dr . Chowdhury, ” why do you want a divorce?”. Waiting a few more minutes again the same question was repeated by Dr. Chowdhury. “I hate him! He has spoiled my life , my career! answered a distraught thirty five year old Pooja slumping deep into her chair with a deep sigh.
“Is it a love marriage or arranged one?” Dr Chowdhury probed.
“Love” Pooja replied bringing her focus back from memories of the past to present .
“How did you know that you loved him, asked Dr Chowdhury”
“I just did”answered Pooja .
The question took Pooja back to that day like it was yesterday.
Pooja was coming out of the lecture hall, when she realized that Arnab was gazing at her. She was of wheatish complexion with shoulder length hair , slim built with slender arms. The gaze gushed her face with warmth and her heart beat quickened. She realized she was acutely aware of Arnab and that she loved him.
“What happened after that , asked Dr.chowdhury?”
The question brought her back from her reverie , re focussing she answered ” we would meet each other at the smallest pretext. We would meet at the cafeteria, we would meet after class we would share food , bus fares class notes . Everything !. He was a year senior to me in medical college. But that didn’t stop him from meeting me even after he passed out next year.We would catch up every day.”
I completed my course and we got married . Two years later we had a baby boy. I was working in a hospital near our home to balance work with home and my child. Arnab, however decided only to balance work and better his career . He took up a job in a different city with better means. After a year his visits to home became fewer and far in between. I was burdened with singlehandedly looking after ailing in-laws , our son and also holding on to my job. There is no help from Arnab physically nor financially. This is the kind of life i have . And I honestly didn’t bargain for this ”
“Do you absolutely hate him or is there a love and hate feeling in your mind for this relationship ? Interrupted Dr Chowdhury”
“I don’t know replied Pooja honestly. I feel he doesn’t deserve to be loved.
Dr Chowdhury explained that in life no one can absolutely love their partner all the time ,nor hate completely when slighted. The two emotions need to be balanced time and again to carry on in the relationship. This is the process of conflict management.
Pooja was suggested counselling to help her understand how to proceed with the decision and not regret it later.